Chapter 1
The older aunties who sit in the corners of homes and judge like to say that once on strays from The Path, they will never be able to go back. That must be why they seem so happy and yet so crushed at the same time. They can do whatever they want now, given they've resigned themselves to Hell. And so they poke at my insecurities, and tell me how to Be, yet if I've truly strayed, then I should have total freedom as well.
But I've read the texts, I know absolution is possible. So I sit at the altar and ask Sa Irhadei1 for guidance as though I want it. The gong rings, resonating within my body, and I stand up and walk over to the red wrapped benches. The priest begins talking, reading aloud some story from Sa Akterxi2 called Satman's Being.
He finishes and closes convene. The sun is jarringly bright when I walk out from the dark room, and it takes me a second to ground myself. The street is silent and I walk across it and towards the field. In the middle of the field, I slip off my bag and sit down. From my bag, I grab a small pouch of grain, which I spread across the ground. As the clouds move across the sky, the critters slowly come out of their various hiding holes to eat. I watch them eat all around me, until no food is left and they disperse, leaving only the grass and I to exist together.
I sit and watch the wind toy with the field for a while longer, reflecting on the Priest"s story from today. This reflection is not a normal practice, I usually have far greater concerns than religion but I suppose something in Satman"s story resonated within me. Or something, I suppose the language the priests use are mangled to up the mystique of religion.
The breeze calms down so I pick myself up and head back to the house. As I walk past the richer areas and into the familiar neighborhoods with well trodden, unkept streets, the smell of food sits around. Friendly scents of Mikdobet, Namagie and Dak sit in the air. I approach my home and a woman who is distinctly not my mother comes out of the door.
The woman notices me and moves quickly down the front steps to the street. She gestures at me to come to her, and I obey.
"Ah, you are Kemtloire, no?" she says, using broken language and my full name.
"Yes...". I pause, deciding what this woman must know. "Most people call me Keme".
"Oh...". The woman looks around, prompting me to as well. There is nothing there. "Come, follow me". She walks towards my home and I follow her. Up the steps and in through the door, I walk slowly behind her. The house inside seems unchanged. I follow her to the dining space.
Inside, my mother lies on the table, her skin far lighter than normal. Peppered across her body are red spots, likely from disease. Her eyes are closed and I opt not to wake her, instead simply standing there and watching. The woman turns to me after a moment.
"She is ill."
It is obvious and so I only nod. After a moment, I ask the woman if I may excuse myself. She says yes, and so I leave the unknown woman and my mother, heading to my room. I grab my Lome3 and message my mother: "I"m sorry". I trust she"ll see it when she wakes.
The rest of the evening I spend meditating, not wishing to inhabit more time. I stay still until the day closes.
I pray, and then I sleep.
1tl: The Gods
2tl: The Religious Text
3tl: a mobile device
Episode 2